INS jokes
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Why does a cheetah always lose on a test? Because he is a cheater!
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
One day I threw a boomerang...
Now I live in constant fear.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
A man sits in a bar and gets seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics.
The bartender asked, "What's wrong, sir?"
The man replies, "I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me."
The bartender says, "Put $20 in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash."
So the man walks out with the $20 he put in his shirt pocket. The next day, the wife said, "Why is there vomit on your shirt?"
The man says, "Someone puked on me and gave me $20 bucks for the wash."
The wife pulls out the money. "There is $40," says the wife.
"Oh, he also peed on me and paid for the wash, too." The man walks away believing he didn't get caught by his wife.
"Let it go, LET IT GO!" Blah blah blah whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blah blah blah my mom never bothered me anyway.
I'm bored 😴 so that's why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted your time.
Heard about the new event in Africa? Called the Hunger Games.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
How do you fit 100 rape victims inside a Mini Cooper?
In the ashtray.