INS jokes

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

How is the business in Ukraine? It's booming.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

What's the difference between China and New York City?

In China, the Asians ride ON the trains. In New York City, they usually end up riding UNDER them.

What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?

...

I'm still trying to think of an answer.

Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?

For the same reason a ship won't stay afloat with holes in the bottom.

When the ugliest cat looked at you, then you search up the ugliest thing in the world, you show up.

A priest walked in and said to the kids,

"Hey kids, are you ready for your faptism?"

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

Why do orphans dip their Oreos in milk?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.

Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?

Dogs get loved.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.

I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.

He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.

I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescue👨‍🚒. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.

MISSING!! MISSING!! 🚨

Name-pionel PESSI Missing: 09/03/2021 vs Madrid Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty"

Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, St etienne

Last seen- Alaba’s Pocket

⚠️ ⚠️: don’t walk around with pens

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.