INS jokes
A woman once falsely accused me of rape, and I was sentenced to life in prison.
PLEASE CONSIDER LAUGHING now 😂
The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.
My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?
Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D
Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?
Me: Call The Police Ka!!!
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.
Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!
What are 8 people hiding in a corner because they're scared?
An octopus.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He couldn't log in.
The potholes so big in Oklahoma Can make a whole garden.
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.
What do you call grass that grows in space?
Astro-turf.
What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?
They're both filled with happy little accidents.
Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:
Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.
Her: Really? What?
Me: Sweet-in-low.
Her: Why?
Me: Because you're artificial.
Why are people in Japan always skinny?
Because last time there was a "Fat Man", a whole city disappeared.
You're so ugly that if you looked in the mirror, you would walk into the light.
What do you call a man in love with an emo?
I really don't know.
What do pedophiles call children in wheelchairs?
"Meals on Wheels."
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.
Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.