INS jokes
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
I either added you because we have shit tons of mutuals, or 'cause I'd let you spit alcohol in my mouth.
I'll let you decide.
What do a school shooter and a lightbulb have in common? They both light up the classroom. 🤡💀
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
I put a pipe bomb in an orphanage. 🤡🤡
I kicked a soccer ball into a kid in a wheelchair, so we are playing Rocket League.
Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?
The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.
My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.