INS jokes
Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!
I'm always hanging in there.
Hanging on the wall.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.
Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.
Why can't dwarfs go to space? Because NASA is not sending monkeys into space anymore.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?
Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"