Infant jokes
You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Well, it depends how hard you can throw.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What starts with the letter M, ends with -arriage and is a man's favorite thing? Miscarriage. That joke never gets old, just like the baby.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor? You nail its other hand to the floor.
If your baby can unhook your bra, is it time to stop breastfeeding?
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
What's worse than five babies stapled to one tree?
One baby stapled to five trees.
Babies can spread a nasty smell, especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take off my boots when I jump on a trampoline.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
"What's worse than 10 dead babies stapled to a tree?"
"What?"
"1 dead baby stapled to 10 trees!"
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What do you call a white kid looking at infants?
Pedophilia boy.