Infant jokes
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
"Stupid ass baby."
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What do you call an infant with no legs?
Ground beef.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?
AIDS.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
Weenis long.
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.