Infant jokes
Rock-a-bye dummy, in the tree top.
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.
Down will come dummy, cradle and all.
What's better than 5 babies in one dumpster?
1 baby in 5 dumpsters.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
What’s worse than five babies in a dumpster?
One baby in five dumpsters.
Why can’t you ever trick an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday. 🤭
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
"Stupid ass baby."
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is a refreshing summertime snack; the other one is a watermelon.
What do you call an infant with no legs?
Ground beef.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
102, if you have some alive ones.
Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"
Also me: "Throw it."
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl?
A blender.
What's the best way to get them out?
A blender.
What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on one.