Industry jokes
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?
She was too used to grabbing the tip.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?
He got to cut himself.
Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.
Your mom is so fat that she works as a hydraulic press in a car factory!
Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because they wanted to bake some BEATS.
- I work with animals.
- Great! What job?
- A butcher.
I got fired from the bowling ball factory for throwing out the ones that had holes in them.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
So he could navigate his way through the rap game.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.