If jokes
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
If you kill an orphan, would that count as a squad wipe?
Like if you are scared of Covid-19.
Like if you are in high school and miss school!
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
The teacher is asking you a question.
Teacher: "If your biggest dream came true, what would you be?"
Me: "Dead."
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?
There is sperm on the computer screen.
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?
There is sperm on the screen.
Friend 1: I don't want to jump.
Friend 2: Me neither.
Murderer: If you don't jump, I'll stab you.
Friend 1: *jumps*
Friend 2: *jumps*
Murderer: I didn't mean off the building!
Friend 1: I know that. I just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan because what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.
Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."