Identity jokes

So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."

Guy 2 whispering: Oh, I got tired of acting gay.

Guy 1: I heard you. Why are you acting gay?

Guy 2: To attract gays and then give them advice.

Guy 1: So what's your advice to me?

Guy 2: That I just know you're gay.

LOL xD

So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?

Bully: You are a piece of shit.

Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.

My name is Gunter.

Me: Are you an orphan?

Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: ....ur parents.

I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.

Everyone reading this is gay!

I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

What does a transgender call his/her parent?

Transparent.

Question: "You're-a-American" when you're not in the restroom and when you come out of the restroom. What are you when you're in the restroom?

Answer: European (You're-a-peein')

One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.

What's a lesbian's favorite sport? Dodgeball.

Son: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

Dad: "Yes, we arson."

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

I wish I could kill my family, but you realize you're an orphan.

I'm made with depression and extra anxiety, then a side of gay and a sprinkle of emo.

What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?

Transparent.

What do you call a lesbian? Me.