Human jokes
What did the turtle tell the man? To keep being 5G7T4IPK24O[\]TWERGWREWGRGR.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What’s under the bottom?
Your legs.
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
What do you call a protest that gets crowded?
Human trafficking.
Why don't humans eat raw meat? Because they use technology to cry about raw meat is good. Go and leave, bro, I'm going to eat sushi.
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
Your forehead is like a line, it just keeps going.
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
What has four legs and one arm? A Doderman in a playground.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.