Human jokes
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.
I saw a little kid crying because he was lost. I asked him, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working in an orphanage!
What do you call a not potty trained human?
Amber Heard.
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Humans. We are the joke. Retards.
What's the single worst terrestrial species? Humans, obviously.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?
Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"
I'm a human. Syke, I'm Pickle Rick!
Why do humans hate aliens?
Because Fortnite took them out of the game, and I want aliens back in Fortnite!
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
What did the turtle tell the man? To keep being 5G7T4IPK24O[\]TWERGWREWGRGR.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What’s under the bottom?
Your legs.
America: "WE NEED MORE AMMO!"
Japan: "We are the ammo."
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.