Human jokes
What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Is that a person over there?
Na, it's Jesus.
What's the difference between a blind man and a window?
The window can see through itself.
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
What's the difference between a retard and a normal person?
A normal person is not named Josh Wakling.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
I don't have a joke, I just have a friend named Jack.
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Lucas is a baby, a little girl, ooo!
What do you call a tall person?
A tall person.
Papyrus was playing with the human, but then Papyrus fell and he broke the cell bone of the human.
What's the difference between an onion and a baby? I only tear up cutting the onion.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
The reason why women have suffered longer than men is because men are using women and abusing them as tools and property, which they aren’t.
During WWII, women were used every day by evil men for not being able to have sex with their wives, and Muslim women are being raped, women children are being raped every day while you fucking turds of human shit are making jokes of issues that need to stop, so stop with the homophobia, Islamophobia, biphobia and all the other phobias, make sexual harassment, assault and rape victims' voices heard, we will not stay silent because of this shitty app!
Also, God created women equally as men, do not mistreat your sisters, mothers, aunts, mother-in-laws. Hope all you rapists, sexual abusers, sexual assaulters rot in hell where you deserve to be, not in this country or any other place, hell is where you belong. 😡🤬🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾🖕🏿
What do you call a kid named Caitlyn?
My best friend.