Hows jokes
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
How do you get more presents from Santa? You tickle his sack.
How do you make Prince Andrew sad? You tell him you're over 16.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."
How do paedophiles greet people?
"How are you, kid?"
How to get a girl in three steps:
Step 1: grab a pillow.
Step 2: grab a blanket.
Step 3: keep dreaming.
How do you know when it's bedtime in the Netherlands?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"
Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"
The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"
Why does an orphan never learn how to drive? Because he has no dad to help him.
How did Princess Diana die?
Giving the glove box head.
How do you bury a prostitute?
In a Y-shaped coffin.
How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
Out of a catalogue. 😁
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
I have a better version of this joke.
How to make a plumber cry: Simple, kill his family. That’ll definitely turn on the waterworks.
How many emos does it take to fix a light?
I don't know because they never came down.