For all those Simpsons fans out there this one I'm sure you know Abe: It's rotten being old. No one listens to you Lisa: It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you Homer: I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me-- no matter how dumb my suggestions are
hows your dad what I forgot he still sleeping
me as a 5-year-old: how do you relate to the twin towers friend : what me: everytime I thing of them I feel sad
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace? give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles, His teacher asked "Three birds where sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said "No, but I like the way you think!" Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said "Little Johnny!" He replied "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field. 2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon. 3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.” 4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop. 5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river. 6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils. 7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope. 8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves. 9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match. 10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee. 11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”). 12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted. 13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff. 14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat. 15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball. 16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing. 17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
How are orphans and blind kids similar?
They both have never seen their parents :)
Why aren’t apple chargers called apple juice. Also How do u throw away trash cans?
Teacher: what's 3 minus 1? Me: i don't know Teacher: how about this, you have three cakes, I take one how many cakes do you have? Me: three Teacher: If I take one cake from your three what do you have? Me: three cakes and a dead teacher. 👑
Science teacher: How many times can the earth fit into the sun? Me: As many times as the earth can fit into you.
How to make emo cakes: Milk Butter Eggs Sugar We're Going Down Swinging
how do planets have a baby?
they have spasex
DH: How does an orphan call his parents? A: how? "..."
-Dark_Humor
Luisa: the ship doesn't swerve as it heard how big the iceberg is
Captain of the titanic: wait what did you say
3 minutes later
Why didn't I listen to the strong one
How did the Apple and the emo fall off the tree at the same time? Because Paul Walker crashed into it
how do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize
How is sports like regular life for orphans?they don't get picked for either
How can you get free butt plants just get your man to fill your butt with Natural juices
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
When I see lovers' names carved on a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
