Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
Howe Jokes
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gay.
Gay who?
You're gay.
How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw 'em.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
A kid and a man are walking into a forest at night.
Kid: "Mr., it's getting dark. I'm scared!"
Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
How do cows like to play games? Moobile (Mobile).
Person 1: How smart are you?
Person 2: Really smart.
Person 1: Ok. If you have 3 ghosts and take away 2, how many are left?
Person 2: 1 ghost is left.
Person 1: Wrong! 0 ghosts are left because ghosts don't exist!
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.
How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
How do gay guys finish prayer?
“GAYMEN!”
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know how to get to home.
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."
Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today, and I have to...
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
What do you call a pig who knows how to use a knife? A pork chop.
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."
