Howe jokes
How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Memes
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."
Wife: "How would you describe me?"
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
Wife: "What does that mean?"
Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?
A: You can't find your dog.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.