Howe Jokes

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."

The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."

The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

Kick his sister's jaw.

If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”

How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(

How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(

How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*

How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?

When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

...

A rock formation with a deep vertical crevice is shown. The caption says: "And this is how teenage boys get stuck in caves."

How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?

The wheelchair floats to the top.

JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.

How much does a pirate pay for corn?

A buccaneer!

How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.

Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?

A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.

How did Stephen Hawking please his woman? He uses a hard drive.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

"Chuck? How many push-ups can you do?" -- "All of them."

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."