Howe jokes

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.

How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?

TEN-TICKLES

How can you tell if Google is a girl?

It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows.

How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?

You octoply, obviously.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?

It’s all Depends!

American: How do you use a PC?

Amish: We use a potato.

There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.

He's all right.

How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?

She closes the car door.

How is everyone? I just started school. Sixth grade, yeah!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!