Howe jokes

How did Hitler tie his shoes?

He tied them in little Nazis.

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?

Simple. All in the ashtray.

My aunt's star sign was Cancer, so it's pretty ironic how she died...

She was eaten by a giant crab.

How is being in the military like getting a blowjob?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

How do you get a clown off your swing?

You shoot it.

How do rapists justify murdering a young innocent human being?

Same way as pro-aborts, by saying "My body, my choice!"

How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.

How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?

Marry her.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?

Ten-tickles!

I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.

How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?

TEN-TICKLES

How can you tell if Google is a girl?

It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows.

How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?

You octoply, obviously.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"