Howe jokes

How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?

It’s all Depends!

American: How do you use a PC?

Amish: We use a potato.

There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.

He's all right.

How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?

She closes the car door.

How is everyone? I just started school. Sixth grade, yeah!

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

How many genders are there?

One, women are property.

1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.

10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.

12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.

How many wives does Santa have?

Ho Ho Ho!

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

How do you know when your wife is dead?

The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

How is an orphan like a boomerang?

They always come back!