READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
How do lesbians have sex? It’s too complicated. I’d have to show you.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
How do you make an orphan's hand bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are only 5 years old, yet you know how to give great head.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
How do you know when your vegetables are completely cooked?
The wheelchair rises to the top.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"
Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"
How many orphans can you fit in a bag of chips?
One, if the bag is family size.
How did the orphan go to school?
Not by his parents.
You know how all zodiacs have hairstyles... well not Cancers.
How many people can you fit in a car?
6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.
