Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11 My friend: how? Justin: Justin!
How do you blindfold and Asian? String!
How do woman make you a millionaire?
When your a billionaire.
How do you know if your sisters on her period?
Your dads dick tastes funny.
What’s worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dads wedding ring inside her.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know ask your wife
I seen your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing. Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
How many hooker's fit in a Cadillac? About 4 in the trunk if you stack em right
How many dead hooker's does it take to change a light bulb? Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark
How many alter boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests have basement
How to tell if your depressed? You came to a website called worst jokes ever . com looking for a quick smile.
How do you know the hooker killed herself? She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all
How do you tell if someone is depressed? The brains on the wall
(Phone call) This is Franks funeral home and grill where yesterday’s grief is todays beef. How may we help you ?
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad. The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills and a cop pulls up and he says “ma’am ma’am your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills” then she says “Oh thank you I wonder how long that’s been going on” and the cop says “ before I help you may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bill” and the Lady says “OK I’ll tell you so I live next to a stadium and I have this beautiful rose garden but he’s dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes so they stick their junk through the fence and I grabbed your junk I said $100 dollars or its coming off” the cop says “oh OK well what’s the other bag for” and she says well not all of them want to give me $100.
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to the how we talk to other guys like when they say can I borrow a pencil you say you can borrow this hard wood dick
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?” Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!” Chef: “Why thank you.” Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!” Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
They cut deep.
Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
How many emos like anagrams?
Some.
What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?
Emold.
What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?
They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.
What do you call flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who cares, let them cry in the dark.
Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?
It was the Happy Meal.
Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.
“Emo cake?” says the baker. ” What exactly is it?”
Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”
How do you pull an emo from a tree?
Cut the rope.
What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?
They’re both white and flavourless.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call an obese emo teen?
An edgelard.
Recommended: Fat Jokes
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
How are cats and emos different from one another?
The cat still has 8 other lives.
Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?
They are playing Fruit Ninja.
What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?
Sonic the Edgy hog.
Why would the emo swallow a clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Why are Emos still around?
Because the suffering never ends.
What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?
You encourage them.
What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?
A toaster.
What is the favourite game of an emo?
Hangman.
Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?
So it could cut itself.
A group of friends started an emo salsa band.
They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.
What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?
Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.
