I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
How do you make an emo jump?
A bridge.
Kid 123, how's downline Orphan what? Home! 😂😂😂😂😂 Sorry.
How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.
How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.
How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.
How do cows get their milk? The moo market.
Me: GUYS GUYS I CAN STOP 9/11.
My friend: How?
Justin: Justin!
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
How do you know if your sister's on her period?
Your dad's dick tastes funny.
What's worse than fingering your sister?
Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
How many dicks can fit inside of a hooker? I don't know, ask your wife.
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
