How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
How do you know it’s a gay guy’s birthday?
Depends how hard they blow out the candles.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
How do you know you’re at a gay church?
Half the congregation is kneeling.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.
How does a rapper pay for his groceries?
With a SICK FLOW of cash!
How does a rapper start a race?
With a ready, set, FLOW!
How do non-binary people kill people?
They slash them.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
