How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?
He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!
How is slavery different from Pokémon?
There are different types of Pokémon.
I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?
He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
How do you know Adam and Eve were White?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from a Black man?
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
You know how Joe Biden is happy?
When he is rubbing a little girls' shoulders and eating ice cream.
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
Give them a Sandy Hook.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Adam and Eve are wondering whether they are black or white. Eve says, "Why don't you go and ask God?"
So Adam goes into the Garden of Eden and shouts out to God, "Are we black or white?" A big booming voice bellows out, "You are what you are."
He immediately goes back to Eve and tells her that they are white. "How do you know?" asks Eve. "Because he said, 'You are what you are,'" Adam replied. "Why does that mean we are white?" asked Eve. "Because if we were black, He would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
