"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
How many potatoes to feed the elephant?
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
How do you make a lesbian upset?
Give her a multiplication test.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One really small one and one really small black guy.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
Difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing, no one cares how much lead is in those kids.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
