Hotness jokes
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
What's the difference between a cop and bacon?
Bacon is full of fat and makes you feel good. A cop is full of shit and will make you feel their hot steamy cock as they ram it up your ass with some justice sprinkled on top.
What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.
What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"Drop it like it's HOT!"
I have to file a complaint against Spotify because I didn’t see you on my hot singles last week.
How does a rapper make tea?
He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.
How does a rapper stay warm in the winter?
With some HOT TRACKS!
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he loved to drop HOT DISHES.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.
Are you a lollipop? Because I can suck on you all day.
Are you an Oreo? Because I eat the cream first.
Are you a microwave? Because I’m trying to keep you quiet at 3:00 am.
Are you a sprinkler? Cause every time I see you I get wet.
Are you makeup? Cause I’d spend hours doing you.
Are you a guitar? Because I’d love to hear the noises you make when I play with you.
Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna ride you up and down.
Most restaurants are closed at night, but your legs aren’t.
I’m not a cashier, but you got a couple of things I wanna check out.
Are you Cinderella? Because I can see that dress coming off at midnight.
Are you a calendar? Because I want to pin you against the wall.
I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately, but I hope it’s you.
Are you a doughnut? Cause I wanna fill you with cream.
Are you a garden? Cause I want to plant some seeds inside of you.
Do you sing in the shower? Because if so, I need a private ticket of your concert.
Are your legs the twin towers? Because I’ll bomb what’s in between.
Are you a blanket? Because you’re on top of me every night.
Are you a phone? Cause I like to be on you 24/7.
Are you a roller coaster? Because the faster you go, the louder I scream.
I’m so jealous of your heart right now because it’s pounding inside of you and I’m not.
Are you a popsicle? Cause all I want to do is lick you up and down.
Are you a construction worker? Because you got me all bricked up.
Are you a fireman? Because you came in hot and left me wet.
Which is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch cold.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Ever wonder why pride month is so hot?
It's just a free trial of what's to come for the celebrators...
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.
What do furries and fast food lovers have in common? They both love hot dogs.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"