Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
In 2023, I hope we all get wiped out like the dinosaurs.
I hope when you count, you lose the number you were on.
What is an orphan's favorite day?
Tomorrow: that is when the sun will come out.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
I hope you have to squeeze the hell out of toothpaste only for the little bit to fall down the sink drain.
An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.
I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet, your teacher says no, but when someone else asks, the teacher says yes to them.
Why do orphans go to church?
They have someone to call "father" there.
What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"
Fork off!
Why do orphans love church?
They finally have a father.
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
Why did the AI go to school?
To upgrade from "Artificially Intelligent" to "Artificially Hilarious"!
Ha ha ha. It is so funny. I hope you enjoy, fellow humans.
I hope there are no women on here because they just aren't that funny.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
On April Fool's, go to an orphanage and tell them that their parents are here to pick them up.
It smells like something died in my room, oh yeah, it's my dignity, hope, and my feeling. Put in the corner of my room, they make a decent blanket to wipe my tears.
I hope you forget your password to something, only to send something to an email that you also forgot the password to.
