Homeless jokes
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out.
What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?
A homeless shelter.
Me: "Gift a homeless kid iPhone 7."
The kid: But it has no home button.
Me: Exactly. 💀
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
Q: What was the orphan's first phone?
A: The iPhone X because it had no home button.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
What does a homeless man call his mother?
Useless.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
A starving homeless kid asks me for food.
I said, "sorry, my plate is full."
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
What do you get when you cross the terms homeless and abandoned?
POORphan
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.