Homeless jokes

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.

What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?

A homeless shelter.

Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?

Dad:

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.

What is the difference between an orphan and a homeless person? Nothing, haha.

What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?

They have no one to call "Dad."

You're so poor that homeless people feel sorry for you.

What’s a movie that’s related to an orphan? “Spider-Man: No Way Home.”

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"

What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?

Wasted.

Why can't homeless people buy a house?

'Cause they live on the streets.

When a homeless kid goes to school and the teacher says, "You have homework tonight," he said, "Sorry, Teach, I don't got a home."

What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.

What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.