Homeless jokes
How do homeless people move where they're living?
They pick up their box and walk away.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
I adopted a dog. It's gone now.
At least homeless people in China are not starving.
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
What do you call an 18 year old orphan?
Homeless.
Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life. Well, I'm on this app 24/7, so do I have no point in life 24/7, or am I just weird and unwanted?
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
Where did the orphan go after the orphanage blew up everywhere?
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
An orphan and a homeless man get into a fight, so he yells in a mirror.
What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?
They have no one to call "Dad."
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.