Homeless jokes
So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.
I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
The penalty for a homeless person being caught stealing bread is an expensive, luxurious prison cell, which is located indoors and comes with free bread and water.
Aren't our governments wizards? Scrooge would be proud.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
We’re so poor, we can’t even afford free stuff.
Why can't a homeless person be seen around your wife?
Because she'll ask for her cardboard box! Ahahah.
Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
Yo mama so poor, the homeless donate to her.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?
A pillow fight.
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.
I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.
What do you call a homeless Hitler?
A roofless dictator.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.