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Homeless

Homeless jokes

So, three guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank.

The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man.

The second one goes for his uncle's vault because screw that son of a b***h; he’s rich, why does he need all the money? But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephew's neck.

The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought, “Well, that b***h can suck my d**k; she’s so poor anyway, who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness?” So he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day, the third guy's ex showed up to his house and said, “I’m gonna f*****g murder you,” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house.

In hell, the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked, “You know, I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house, why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said, “B***h, I don’t know, maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already.”

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    • Boy, your momma so ugly she’s denied from the homeless parties in the dumpster.

    Quiet kid, your momma so funny she made a joke pop out her a*s.

    Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

    Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

    Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

    Dad: "Exactly, son."

    What do you call an orphan with parents?

    Idk, I never met one before.

    Bonus joke: I went up to an orphan and asked where his parents were. He said, "I don’t have any." I said, "Wonder why."

    Another bonus joke: Me: Hey. Orphan: Hey. Me: What do you do for fun? Orphan: Look for my parents. Me: Me, so they're not dead? Orphan: No, they just abandoned me.

    More bonus: What do you call a homeless kid?

    An orphan.

    Last bonus: Why don’t orphanages teach kids about home?

    Because they can’t find one.

    lmao this is so funny, dark humor can be funny. Sorry, orphans!

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    • There were three men in a car: the driver, a homeless man, and a rapper. The driver takes them to the woods and says, "I'm not really a cab driver, I'm a wanted killer." The homeless man says, "I'm not really homeless," and pulls out a chain. The rapper says, "If we're gonna be completely honest, I'm not a rapper, I'm a cop!"

    How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

    “You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”

    What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.

    A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

    The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

    Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

    So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

    The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

    The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

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    • He's homeless.

    Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...

    The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.

    What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

    They don’t cook because they love eating out.

    I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

    The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

    This isn't a joke.

    There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

    JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

    The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.

    You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.