How do you get 'Dick' from Richard??? ..... Ask him nicely
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?
Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno
Who left him hanging?
Why'd my grandpa fall over?
'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
I asked my friend what happened to him?
His balance shifted.
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.
All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.
Don’t blame Bush; he is white. It couldn’t have been him.
Why doesn't Elon Musk like Taco Bell?
It gives him gas.
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life so he shot him then the judge gave him 15 years so there you go problem solved.
My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging
I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"
After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
