Him jokes
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
Why was the barber mad because I gave him a buzzcut?
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
Why do orphans become bullies?
Because their mum and dad were never there for them.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
Here’s another joke my friend told me.
What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I’m blind.
Mom: Exactly.
Son: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly.
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I saw a kid crying yesterday, and I asked him, "Where are your parents?" Then he started crying harder.
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.
I love working at an orphanage.
So last night I went on a taxi and I showed them your photo. All they said was I could ride him, it would be expensive though, since from his eyebrows to hairline is at least £100.
I got arrested because I cremated a guy. They said the guy had been alive when I burned him. I mean, it's an early cremation—what's the difference?
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."