Hide jokes

To the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camouflage coat: you can hide, but you can't run.

Why are cheetahs not good at hiding?

They’re always spotted!

Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?

Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.

Someone tracked down a cripple and said, "You can hide, but you can't run!"

Hey, What do you want? We broke up like 5 days ago, leave me alone. Ok, first wanna do some things? What kind of things? Illegal things. Like what? Knock you off and hide your body. 🤡🤡🗡

Why can’t an orphan be gay?

They don’t have a closet to hide in.

One day I was walking along the street and I found some caution tape... Just sitting there torn up... Beat up, and you could barely unravel it anymore because I would just burst into shreds... It kinda reminded me of what happened to my sister's killer... They still haven’t found him yet... I’m really good at hide and seek!

1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.

3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”

4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.

6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.

7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.

8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.

9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.

11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).

12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.

14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.

16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.

17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?

Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.

Congratulations! 10 years+ record of hide and seek with your parents, and they're still hiding!

They hide so well, they probably forgot about you. Mwah. <3

Playing hide and seek with Helen Keller wasn’t the best idea you’ve had all day.

What's an orphan's least favorite game?

Hide and seek.

Michael Vick is coming to town, hide your dogs!

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

Why don’t orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

Me: Hey, wanna know my spirit animal?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Roadkill, because I can see my mom pretty clearly now.

Friend: Wait, aren't you dead?

Me: Aren't you my son?

Friend: So that's what Mom was trying to hide from me.

Why don't people play hide-and-seek in the number 4?

Because it would take forever. Get it? "For-ever" and "4" four, so "four ever."

Where did the king hide his armies?

In his sleevies.

Worst joke ever.

What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?

His hide-and-seek skills.