HI jokes

Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."

Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!

I asked my boyfriend who his favorite motivational speaker was. He said Andrew Tate. I told him the BEST motivational speaker was Stephen Hawking.

What do you call the musical kid who is very aware of his surroundings?

C sharp minor.

Q: Why did the student eat his homework?

A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!

Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.