Me: Hi Jacob!
Jacob: Hi.
Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!
Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH
HI Jokes
My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents. My one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked by a stick. I raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
Hi Trent!
Hi Bradyeeeeeeee!
Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. Do you know what he said?
"Get your paws off!" 💩💩💩
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Why did Jimmy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?
Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.
That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.
His life.
Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home from school?
Hi.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.
