HI jokes

Why did the ocean wave?

It wanted to say "Hi Tide."

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

Why did the squirrel swim on his back?

To keep his nuts dry.

How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?

"We are Pickle Ricks!"

A boxer talks with his fists.

Stephen Hawking talks with his wheelchair.

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend says, "Where is your girlfriend?" The guy says, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week."

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

What did the orphan say to his stepmom?

"I need help."

Have you ever had a friend who masturbated many times? I had one who did a lot, but he had no imagination... when he masturbated, he imagines his hand.

Why did the boy study for his math test in a tree?

'Cause he wanted higher grades.