HI jokes

Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.

I got my husband a fridge for his birthday. His face lit up when he opened it.

Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.

This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉

Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?

Because his dad never came back with the milk.

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

Why did the ocean wave?

It wanted to say "Hi Tide."

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

Why did the squirrel swim on his back?

To keep his nuts dry.

How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?

"We are Pickle Ricks!"

A boxer talks with his fists.

Stephen Hawking talks with his wheelchair.

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!