HI jokes

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.

What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?

"Hi, nice to meet you."

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

Why did the dick go insane?

Someone kept messing with his head.

What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?

His little brother with the console.

Kid: What is an orphan's favorite breakfast?

Teacher: What?

Kid: Fruity Pebbles with water.

Teacher: Why water?

Kid: 'Cause his dad never came back with the milk.

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.

What is the difference between Kanye and Hitler?

Hitler knew when his career was over.

Why did the rapper become a painter?

To brush up on his rhymes!

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

Why did the mummy leave his tomb after 3000 years?

Because he thought he was old enough to leave home.

That is one of the very, very, very, very, VERY WORST jokes ever.

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

Why does the orphan kid eat cereal with water?

Because his dad hasn’t come back with the milk yet.