If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?
HI Jokes
What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?
"We are Pickle Ricks!"
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
I told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man: Far From Home.
Where did the pirate pay his taxes?
Aye, Argh, Sea.
Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."
Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
Hi everyone, today I am taking requests for anything you want me to say.
Why does Donald Trump love little boys?
Because his hands look massive when he’s holding their tiny little cocks.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.
A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."
His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
