HI jokes

What is the difference between a frog and a trombone player?

The frog might be on his way to a gig!

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

Why did the ocean wave?

It wanted to say "Hi Tide."

I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.

He hugged me!

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

People said that Kobe could fly so high, but that did not end well.

How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

A boxer talks with his fists.

Stephen Hawking talks with his wheelchair.

Why did the squirrel swim on his back?

To keep his nuts dry.

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

What did the pickle say to his friend Rick?

"We are Pickle Ricks!"

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

I told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man: Far From Home.

Where did the pirate pay his taxes?

Aye, Argh, Sea.

Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."

Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.