HI jokes

Did you hear about the octopus who went emo? He sliced all 8 of his wrists.

His life.

I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

"Hi, this is Dave's orphanage—you make it, we take it."

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

Yo mama so fat,

Donald Trump himself tried to use her as his border wall in 2016.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.

I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”

Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?

Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

Why was the orphan stupid?

Because his parents couldn't guide him.

Me: Hi Jacob!

Jacob: Hi.

Me: Your parents went to jail for littering when you were born!

Jacob: GOO GOO GAH GAH

*True story*

I saw this guy with a very bad hairline who was painting himself blue and it said "Smurf Paint," but I shouted, "Megamind!"

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.

Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic, where yesterday's meat is today's treat. How may I be of service?

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

Why can’t you take a Black Asian guy golfing? Because he can’t drive and can’t find his own balls.