Hes jokes

Why did the tiger lose at poker?

Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"

Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"

Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."

Donald Trump secretly admires Joe Biden. How do I know?

He attempts to imitate "Sleepy Joe" by falling asleep during his court cases and during part of the Republican National Convention!

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

A nucleus walked into a bar. He asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy. "What's going on here!?" he exclaims.

The wife replies, "See, I told you he was stupid."

His name rhymes with walking and talking, but he can’t do either.

Freddie Mercury was on top of the music world. That's only the 2nd thing he was a top in.

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumeference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

Why did the orphan try to get hurt?

Because then they would get surrounded with people who care about him.

He looks around, no one is there.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)

Baby: Wait for me!

(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)

(He squishes the child.)

Father: Ketchup!

What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

He sing, he dance, he he.

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"

He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents, buddy."