Hes jokes
Why can’t Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he’s dead.
I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.
When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".
I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!
I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.
(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)
(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)
(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
How's your dad?
What? I forgot he's still sleeping.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?
Nothing because he's dead.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."