Hes jokes
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?
He's a small medium at large.
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week.
He swears by it, but he’s in denial.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
How's your dad?
What? I forgot he's still sleeping.
I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
There is a kid in my school who is exactly like Dahmer, but he doesn't eat ppl. Or does he...?
He's Dahmer's son @domink.
Do you know why Daddy never comes back to get the milk? Because he’s the milkman.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?
Nothing because he's dead.
James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"