Hes

Hes jokes

Doctor

    • Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

    Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

    Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

    Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

    Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

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    • Hitler

    • Hitler is amazing; he's dead but still alive because he did Nazi death coming. It never happened.

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    • Hes memes

    Chant

    • He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

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    • Superman

    • A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

    The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

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    • Friend

    • What do you call a best friend that smokes weed?

    A pothead. Just because he's your friend, you don't have to support his poor decisions. Jeez, what has America come to?

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    • Scratch

    • I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.

    I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.

    (Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)

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    • Man

    • A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

    So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

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    • Dad

    • This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.

    Tylenol

    • A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

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    • Blood Type

    • What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"

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    • Drug

    • I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

    Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

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    • Hunter

    • Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

    His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

    "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

    There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

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