Hes jokes

You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?

He ate 12-year-old nuts.

I feel bad for the guy in 9/11 who ordered a salami pizza. Instead, he just got a plane.

Times are hard at the moment for people on disability benefits. I’ve got a friend who’s a dwarf...

...and he’s struggling to put food on the table.

Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't wanna hang out.

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?

A: Because he is a "herbefore."

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.

My dad died in 9/11.

He was the best pilot I ever knew.

Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."

(some kid crying because hes an orphan and kids are bulling him) teacher:HEY i was a orphan to so if you bully him your basicly trying to bully me too me:OOF teacher:now is somebody not here? me:your parents

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?

A: I'd hit that.

What does Johnny Depp hate about driving a car?

He can't drink and drive.

Why was Santa happy?

Because he had 3 hoes.

One time my dad was an orphan, so I questioned where he learned to parent.

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.