Hes jokes
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: βHoles gonna be big.β
Q: Why did the cat get a ticket?
A: He was caught littering.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
Thatβs where he met my stepmom.
Memes
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you donβt make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.
Why does an orphan use water for his cereal?
He is waiting for his dad with the milk.
Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
John and Chloe are in school arguing about who has the more heroic grandfather.
Chloe says, "My grandfather killed 50 Nazis, he's so heroic!"
John says, "So what? My grandfather KILLED Hitler!"
I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)
What does Jeff Bezos do before he goes to sleep?
He puts his PJ-Amazon!
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because people always said, "Go big or go home," and he only had one option. ππ€£
Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?
He wanted to clean out the blanket.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but he couldnβt stand up?
My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.