You call your dad the sun because he is 90 million miles away.
Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?
Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
This morning I was having a conversation with my ex boyfriend about reincarnation I said to him if you could come back in the next life as anything what would you come back as and he thought about it for a minute and says a tree that way everybody can look at me and admire me. Then he says the same thing to me I started thinking about it when these two sexy half naked studs walked by one was a jock the other on his bicycle I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat but knowing my luck I'll come back as a tampon
😴 🛌 ⏰️ ✋️ If a gay male is married to a well-endowed physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up do he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up? Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob
What is a yellow dog Libertarian?
A yellow dog Libertarian is a Libertarian who is blindly loyal to the Libertarian Party, he or she who is a yellow dog Libertarian is a card carrying member of the Libertarian Party who would not vote for a progressive Democrat or a conservative Republican even if their life depended on it! 🐕 🗽
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.
Why did the basketball player not get on the bus?
Because he couldn’t be caught travelling! 😂
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Why does Hitler wear glasses? Because he can Nazi without them.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club? Because he hated the pols
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
why is the gay kid gay?
because he likes men
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball? He could never get a home run
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
Stephen Hawking is just in a role play. He died to a crash in Minecraft.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
