Hes

Hes jokes

Wish

    • There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.

    The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”

    So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.

    The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.

    The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.

    The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.

    The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.

    While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”

  • 2

    • Kid

    • What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

    A pair of gloves!

    Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

  • 1

    • Man

    • A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

  • 8

    • Man

    • A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.

    A gay man offers him a drink.

    The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.

    "That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."

    The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.

    Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.

    They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"

    He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."

    So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"

  • 0

    • Lego

    • I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."

  • 1

    • Viagra

    • A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.

    Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.

    The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,

    The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"

  • 4

    • Superman

    • A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

    The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."

  • 4

    • Smurf

    • A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.

  • 2