Hes jokes
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
Why couldn't the T-Rex clap?
Because he's dead.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.
He's all right.
Why was 7 afraid of 9? Because he's a registered sex offender.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄
Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.
Why did the bird lay an egg on Stephen Hawkings?
Because he is Stephen HAWKings.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
Stephen Hawking was one of the best scientists ever. Now he's walking up the steps of he... No, he's not walking up the steps of heaven.
Stephen Hawking always wins musical chairs, as he’s always sitting down.
I heard he's doing a revival tour next month. It's called "Stephen Hawking Unplugged."
He's not dead, his batteries have run out.