Herring jokes
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology.
Yo mama is so ugly, when I took a picture of her, my phone screen cracked.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
Memes
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at her!
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!
During school today, a girl gave my friend her number. When I saw it, it was the principal's number.
Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.
Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.
The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."
"You should tell your parents," I replied back.
The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.