Herring jokes

Yo mama so old her Bible was autographed by Jesus.

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

Your mom is so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.

Hi guys, jokes for sister.

So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.

Yo mama is so fat that when I was printing a picture of her last year, it's still printing.

Yo mama so OLD...

Her first Christmas... WAS the FIRST CHRISTMAS!

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”

DAMN YOU PESSI!

What's the difference between my wife and her sisters?

Her sisters ate hotter, and I married the grenade.

Yo mama is so fat, the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her!

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

Yo momma's so fat, it takes her 1,000,000 hours on the toilet.

Yo mama is so big, her belt size is "equator."

Yo mama's so fat that even Dora don't have time to explore her!

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!

Uma Thurman in "Pulp Fiction" was very kind and possibly the sweetest character, unless you count her forehead as of now.

My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."

My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.