Herring jokes

My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.

When your gf tells you to treat her like a queen,

and then you remember you’re French.

Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.

If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.

Yo mama so fat, they had to give her a license plate.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, touched Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

But silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a kid.

Her: I love Kobe Bryant!

Me: Helicopter Helicopter

Her:.....

Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.

Mom died, so I planted mums and forget-me-nots all over her grave site.

Yo mama so hairy that bigfoot dated her.

What did Helen Keller do when she fell down a well?

Screamed till her hands fell off.

My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.

So I threw an orange at her.

Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.

Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!

Rachel: Alright!

On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.

Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!

Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

Yo mama so ugly even bullets refuse to kill her.

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

Q: Where did Sally go on her bike? A: Nowhere.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!