My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
Why were her hands purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]
Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.
POV: Her name is Alli.
Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.
One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.
There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.
How did "Bloody Mary" become a thing?
Because her husband beat her bloody when she didn't stay in the kitchen.
Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?
Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"
BAJAHAHAHHAA
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
An emo girl dyed her hair red.
Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.
