Herring jokes

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.

But she so ugly people are repelled by her.

Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.

Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.

POV: Her name is Alli.

I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.

Yo mama is so ugly, her self-portraits hanged themselves.

Yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Why were her hands purple?

She heard it through the grapevine.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.

So she gave me a hug.

Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.

My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.

A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."

Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.

“No, it’s curry this time.”

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

Yo mama so fat even Nationwide can't be on her side.

Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.