Herring jokes

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?

Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"

BAJAHAHAHHAA

An emo girl dyed her hair red.

Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.

Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.

Yo momma so fat, I took a photo of her last year and it's still printing.

Yo mama so fat, when she falls, they have to call 999 and a crane to pick her up.

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

One day, during lunch, a Spanish kid came up to my other friend and asked her questions in Spanish, and when she was about to say something, I popped out and said, “GO AWAY OR I WILL SUE YOU WITH BRIANNA’S SEVEN/7 LAWYERS!!!!(AKA, her seven/7 shoes.)”

If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.

But she so ugly people are repelled by her.

Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.

POV: Her name is Alli.

My sister bet me $100 that it was impossible for me to build a working car out of spaghetti.

You should have seen her face as I drove pasta!