I told my wife to embrace her mistakes.
So she gave me a hug.
Herring Jokes
Your mum's so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
My older sister said she was gonna shoot herself, so I did it for her.
A man walks into his bedroom where his wife is carrying a sheep under her arm and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."
Wife says, "That's not a pig; that's a sheep, dumbass."
Husband says, "I was talking to the sheep."
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.
“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.
“No, it’s curry this time.”
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
Yo mama so fat even Nationwide can't be on her side.
Yo mama so ugly that Mr. Rogers doesn’t wanna be her neighbor.
Jordan, you stupid ass! Addison never bothered you so leave her the FUCK alone! How about this? Get up, go outside, stop being a jackass, and get a fucking life!
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard? Neither did she!
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Yo mama is so fat even Dora can't explore her.
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
Why doesn't Laila in UHS need an insult?
Have a look at her face!
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.
When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.
She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"
54 students died that day.
